Read that again. I said what I said!
Do you have a Fixer superhero alter-ego?
Is your default reaction to someone's upset or stress to immediately launch into a full-blown Ted Talk on how to solve their problem (*raises hand*)? Ok, glad I'm in good company!
Now...how often do you do this because you have guilt issues for growing at a different pace than the other person? Yup! Sometimes when we feel like we've leveled up and maybe someone close to us appears to be hindering their own growth we create a narrative that they need help from us or that we need to slow down so they can catch up and if we don't we're heartless abandoners.
In the first scenario, when your Fixer superhero response gets ignited, try to pause and ask the person, "Hey- I hear you are really struggling and I am here for you. Would you like my advice or would you feel better supported if I just listen and hold space for ya?" I also let all my people know that if I launch into fix-mode, they are 100% allowed to remind me they just need my ears in that moment.
In the second scenario, guilt is the catalyst. Take a moment to explore that and unpack why you are feeling guilty. Maybe there is no reason, maybe there is. And that's something in you that needs resolution. I repeat- it's not your job to fix things for other adults. In fact, the better gift is to let them learn how to fix it on their own (teach a person how to fish, right)? Sure you can ask if they'd like some resource tips and recommendations. However, you just might learn they don't want your help and never expected you to solve for them in the first place. Whaaaat??? I said what I said! We are masters of making assumptions based on the fabulously fictional stories we tell ourselves all day every day. So check that voice in your head and vet it next time The Fixer crashes into action.
Look at us adulting! High-five to you!
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Thanks for being here and reading this! Truly, I am humbled and grateful.